Finding something in the void
Updated: Jan 15, 2019
Last October (really it was September, but it was like the 28th so I round up) I mutually broke up with my job in event videography, nearing the end of that period I started to drag. You know the feeling, not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, hitting the snooze button 4 times for extra time in the sheets and leaving the flat later and later because you can't bring yourself to enjoy your day to day. Now I'm not saying I didn't like it there, the people were fun, it was a good job, just not what I wanted. However, when you become FUNemployed you start realising you don't have to get up for anything so you start finding yourself with a more fucked up sleeping pattern, eating pattern and just generally more and more negative thoughts. It's just effort, all of it; brushing your teeth, going grocery shopping etc. At that point you have entered what I call;
I feel like most people will experience this, especially if you are a creative. It's the feeling of not being able to get yourself to do things that you enjoy, even if you want to write as soon as you put fingers to a keyboard your mind is empty of words. If you want to edit a film, you look at the footage and nothing there sparks your fire. You look at a pencil and all you picture is a blank page. Now this is not to say that you can't create things while in the void. Of course you can, but it's not artisanal, East London roasted creations. It's the Instant Nescafé shit.
My Instagram goes cold.
Stories haven't been posted in months.
Camera gear gathers dust and hard drives haven't spun in a while.
The well of creation dries up and all you can do is wonder why you let it evaporate.
Although it's a concept based on the position of the earth's rotation around the sun, the idea of a New Year's resolution started to sound like the right action. So I decided to set one. After some self digging I realised that a reason behind me staying in the void were my expectations. When I first discovered editing I would get any footage I could just so I can chop it together, the feeling of creating something from all of this... stuff really resonated and I guess fed this hunger I didn't realise I had. The joy of editing was why I wanted to become a filmmaker, to craft these stories. But as with any hobby you love eventually you monetise it and it soon becomes choring. The aspect of education and jobs placed this expectation on my editing, a foresight that said "Is it really worth it? Do you have time? Will it even look good?". Don't get me wrong pre-production and workflow is an INTEGRAL part of the filmmaking process, but sometimes you gotta just throw out all expectations and not give a shit. So with that in mind I have started a new Anthology video series on my Instagram and Vimeo.
Tales in Pixels
A collection of short, short films in any genre, any theme and story. But all make use of a back log of footage I have had for years. Each one not trying to achieve anything in particular, no publish date, no deadline. Just for the love of story. The first one just released is a tale of 3 friends making the most of the summer solstice sun. Catch it on the website.
Here's to a 2019 of creativity.